Communication technique that requires Emotional Intelligence
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg created Non-Violent Communication as an application of Emotional Intelligence to communication. Emotional Intelligence is the capacity to understand and master our emotions.
The main idea behind NVC looks simple: first acknowledge and understand your feelings before reacting, reaction must take into account the needs that justify how you feel. It looks simple but it may be difficult to master your emotions, analyse them and plan a proper response.
For example: you have been calling a friend who does not pick up nor answers your messages. “Is he ghosting me? is he unable to reach the phone? what is going on?” you think, a little afraid. You may even get angry if you suspect that he may be deliberately ignoring you. Finally you feel an urge for fairness: how can you like someone who does not appreciate your friendship? In this “cocktail” of emotions it may be hard to analyse while avoiding to respond in a way that you may regret in the future.
NVC recommends that, instead of responding emotionally, like sending angry messages to your friend, you should pause to understand which feelings come to you and why you are feeling this way: ask yourself which unsatisfied needs could explain that you feel this way?
NVC recommends these four steps:
As you controlled your first impulse to respond, now you can calmly formulate a rational request to satisfy your needs. This is a clear sign that you have Emotional Intelligence because you mastered your emotions. Congratulations!
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